On the move

By the time you see things in a different way, what seemed to be utterly important in your good old days suddenly becomes unimportant. Insignificant matters start to fall out one by one. Like all those brown leaves gracefully falling from the height for the love of gravity. And of surrendering.

Now you can see clearly the true shape of the tree, and all the defects on its skin. But you also see it slimmer than before. You’re in amazement that the tree is actually tall, and has more branches. There. You see. Branches. Places for you to grow anew.

And knowing this gives you nothing but a surge of calm. The old leaves have gone home for some refreshment. A renewal. The defects don’t bother you anymore. Better yet, you don’t care. You’re surprised that you can be heedless and relieved at the same time. As if time acts like a strainer on you now, a very delicate thin layer made of woven light, filtering your thoughts, sorting out the past from the future. So that you can fully understand the here-and-now. So that you can see everything as it is. And be contented with everything you have in hand.

Time. O, time. How very kind.

***

On a morning train to the city of dream.

Started: 29 Nov 2014/06:01. Edited: 30 Nov 2014/13:14

Home

A house to dwell. With high ceiling and large windows. With a cozy green and blue painted room in which I can write, and write, and write. With a colorful studio in which I can play with all of my crafting stuffs. With an elegant gallery in which I can show my books and handmade creations. With a teal and white kitchen in which I can cook occasionally, with my soul mate. With a rooftop garden in which I can plant some flowers, fruits and vegetables, with my soul mate too of course. And with a peaceful open space at the highest spot in which I can thank God for everything.

Pertemuan

Di bawahmu selalu ada yang lebih rendah. Di atasmu selalu ada yang lebih tinggi. Tidak usah rendah diri. Sombong pun tidak perlu. Kamu adalah kamu. Mereka adalah mereka. Setiap kamu dan mereka hanya numpang lewat. Berpapasan sebentar, lalu pergi lagi. Kalau beruntung, kamu akan diberi waktu untuk bercakap-cakap ketika berpapasan. Kalau lebih beruntung lagi, kamu akan diberi waktu lebih panjang dan bahan pembicaraan lebih banyak agar dapat bercakap-cakap lebih lama lagi ketika berpapasan. Kalau lebih beruntung lagi dari itu, kamu akan diberi tawa dan tangis bersama ketika berpapasan. Tapi pada akhirnya urusanmu dan urusan mereka adalah satu itu saja: untuk berpapasan. Maka tidak usah menahan perpisahan, tidak perlu pula menunggu pertemuan. Kemari saja, temui Aku. Aku ada, selama apapun yang kamu mau.

Coffee time

Sunday late afternoon.

She takes a brief nap and wakes up to a sound in her kitchen. Probably just that cat, she assumes. And that is the nature’s special way to wake me up because my favorite coffee time has just arrived, she continues assuming. So she gets up and goes to the kitchen, preparing to make some coffee, without sugar.

She loves to drink coffee without sugar at such Sunday afternoon as much as she loves to drink warm lemon juice without sugar every morning before she has her breakfast. Yes, without sugar. She has been convinced that coffee, lemon juice or green tea is best sipped as it is. Putting anything else in the drink will only ruin its original rich taste. Additional ingredients may create artificial taste.

One of the ways to appreciate life is to enjoy everything as it is, because additional emotions may give you artificial feelings. That’s what she often says when her friends seek comfort in her words.

The room is warm.

She notices as she prepares her coffee that nothing is misplaced in the kitchen, so she forgets about her assumption of the cat and boils some water.

White kitchen window.

She can see through it, a leaf of an apple tree that she planted a couple of years earlier. Everything in the universe is alive, from the gigantic cumulonimbus cloud to a falling leaf. So she finds herself naturally talking to the leaf as it falls down slowly to the ground. The ground is your home, little leaf. The ground is your home. And now the time has come for you to tell the ground about your glorious adventure while you were growing so green in the open air. The leaf finally lands on the ground, gracefully. It says, “Yes, my dear. Now.”

The kitchen table is at the right corner of the room.

She places two cups of hot coffee on it. There is nobody else at home. Her grandfather is out having his routine afternoon walk and won’t be returning for the next two hours. Yet she places two cups of coffee on the kitchen table. The door is open.

***

Open air. Open sea. 

It’s been three months. He gains a lot of fortune in merely three months. He swims, he dives, he sails. He’s truly alive. It’s the longest sailing time for him, yet he feels really good about himself. I’m at the peak now and so this is where I must end, he thinks.

The boat is anchored.

He starts to walk a long long way. He prefers to walk as he can recollect pieces of her along the way. How she served breakfast for him silently before he went sailing. How he knows by heart that she always trusts him and prays for him although he never left a word or a kiss when he pushed the door open that day.

***

The kitchen door is open.

He sees it. Several meters away. It’s a matter of second now before I present this fortune, his mind speaks as he puts his hand into his pocket.  And it’s a matter of second now before these two cups of coffee get too cold, her mind speaks. It’s always theirs. The mind conversation. That’s why people in the neighborhood call them soul mates.

The air is filled with the sweet smell of baked muffins, and coffee.
He walks closer.

***

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m here.”

“I know. “

“Wonderful smell. Muffins, I suppose.”

“And coffee too. How was your adventure?”

“The greatest ever.”

“Have you done with it?”

“About to start another. With you.”

He takes his hand out of the pocket.

He ties her hand with a chain of pearl bracelet. 

Sambil makan

Pada dasarnya Ayra lebih suka mendengar daripada bicara, tapi kini ia sangat menikmati kebiasaan barunya tiap pergi makan: ngobrol-ngobrol ringan sekedar beberapa menit sambil menunggu hidangan siap tersaji. Dengan pedagang makanan kaki lima, dengan pemilik kedai, dengan pelayannya, dengan siapapun yang ingin dia sapa. Karena, hm, karena makan pastilah bukan sekedar urusan mengisi perut lapar. Makan adalah juga saat untuk terhubung. Dengan dunia, dengan cerita-cerita, dengan hidup.

Setiap orang datang dengan setidaknya satu cerita. Bagi Ayra, satu orang adalah satu cerita, satu buku, satu lagu, satu film. Itu paling minimal. Berhubung Tuhan Maha Kreatif, Maha Kaya dan Amat Sangat Pemurah, maka sering kali satu orang Dia beri satu kotak cerita yang di dalamnya berisi tumpukan buku, sederet file MP3 dari berbagai genre lagu, dan beberapa keping DVD film berdurasi panjang.

Ayra sering terkejut betapa cerita hidup paling mendalam sering tersembunyi di balik sapaan pendek sependek “Udah lama jualan di sini, Bu?”. Kalau beruntung, kotak cerita akan terbuka lebih lebar pada sesi-sesi makan berikutnya dan dengan demikian ia menjadi pelanggan tetap. Kalau lebih beruntung lagi, yang awalnya mendengar cerita akan beralih menjadi bertukar cerita, sehingga giliran Ayra yang ganti ditanya-tanya. Seperti malam itu.

“Lha terus kenapa, Mbak? Di sana kan udaranya adem, enak."

“Hehe. Karena saya lebih suka dipanggil Mbak daripada Teteh.”
Ibu itu tertawa kecil lalu bercerita lagi dalam bahasa indah nenek moyangnya yang tak asing di telinga Ayra, bahasa yang selalu membawa perasaan pulang ke rumah setiap kali ia mendengarnya. Ayra terkesan dengan bagaimana ibu itu mencintai kota kelahirannya, bagaimana ia bertemu suaminya, bagaimana ia kehilangan anak ketiganya tujuh tahun lalu, bagaimana ia bahagia cukup dengan punya satu warung makan saja, bagaimana ia menemukan makna hidup paling berarti ketika semua harapan sudah surut ke dasar laut, bagaimana ia bangkit lagi, bagaimana suaminya selalu jujur dan setia.

Malam makin larut, tapi malam itu Ayra ingin sepiring nasi gudeg di hadapannya tidak habis-habis.

Womanhood

Mother,
yesterday I cooked this, for you.
It's only on special occasions that I make the dish,
like you used to do.
And you know what, Mother?
I never thought of this before.
I never thought it would be one of the things that I'm proud of:
making soto madiun of your special recipe.
Now I hope that you're proud of me too.

Farewell

Hey, there.
I know you.
Yes, you. The one who’s standing tall, big and all.
With eyes so sharp and smile so wide.
Almost mesmerizing.

I know you.
You’re fear. You’re no stranger to me.
In fact, we’ve become friends for some times. 
And I perfectly understand your task.
Now come. Come here. Come closer.
Let me whisper something to your ears. 

This is my place, the good peace.
And I’m here, as always, forever.
It’s not that I don’t respect you. I do, I really do.
If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t recognize the face of the beautiful strength beneath my ugly weakness. For that, I truly thank you. You’ve done such a good job. But then again, I must say to you that your visiting time is up. You have to go now. You need to resume your journey somewhere else, helping other people building their legends. Oh such an honorable duty what you do.
So come, dear fear. I’ll lead you to the door.

Karena

Ada banyak sekali alasan ketika seseorang mencintai. Seiring waktu, jika orang yang mencintai itu berada di atas jalan keyakinan dan kesabaran dalam periode yang cukup lama, ia akan mengenali siapa sesungguhnya dirinya, siapa orang yang dicintainya, dan apa yang mempertemukan mereka. Dan kalau usianya cukup panjang, ia akan dibuat paham apa maksud dari itu semua.

Di masa awal, orang yang mencintai akan belajar tentang kejadian-kejadian, termasuk belajar menerima dan menjalani. Hingga pada satu titik koordinat ruang dan waktu tertentu, ketika penerimaan itu sudah utuh penuh, ia akan sampai pada satu kesadaran tentang apa yang lebih penting daripada sekedar mempelajari kejadian semata, yakni mengerti alasannya. Ia tidak lagi sibuk dengan bagaimana harus bereaksi dan bertahan hidup dalam berbagai kejadian. Ia seketika dibuat terpana mendapati alasan-alasan dari serangkaian kejadian. Dan pemahaman atas keterpanaannya itu membuatnya mendadak mampu menjalani kejadian-kejadian berikutnya dengan mengalir begitu saja tanpa beban.

Bagi si pecinta ini, segala kejadian membuka pintu kesadarannya lebih lebar. Ia dibuat mengerti bahwa alasan-alasannya dalam mencintai ternyata sama sekali tidak cukup penting atau tidak cukup berperan dalam kejadian-kejadian hidupnya. Tidak cukup penting, bahkan terbilang sangat remeh, jika ternyata alasan-alasan itu berwarna keruh.

Maka alasan-alasan keruh itu dibuat meluruh, satu demi satu, seiring terjadinya peristiwa, satu demi satu. Inilah pelajaran tentang alasan, tentang niat. Sebegitu pentingnya sehingga dibutuhkan segala kejadian hidup itu ‘hanya’ untuk membuat seorang pecinta mengerti tentang sebuah pelajaran dasar bertajuk meluruskan niat.

Pelajaran ini, meluruskan niat, adalah amalan memurnikan hati. Dengan digosok, dibakar atau dibasuh, tidak lagi jadi soal. Hadirnya satu kejadian pahit berarti dicabutnya satu alasan remeh yang menjadi akar dari satu mimpi palsu. Semakin banyak kejadian pahit, berarti semakin banyak alasan remeh dari mimpi-mimpi palsu yang berjejalan di dalam hati. Remeh itu remah. Seperti halnya remah-remah makanan, benda-benda kecil itu memang layak buang.

Ketika alasan-alasan remeh itu itu dicabuti, seorang pecinta akan merasa seolah satu per satu mimpinya dicuri orang. Lama-lama ia akan merasa tidak punya mimpi apa-apa lagi terhadap kekasih yang dicintainya. Setumpuk mimpi itu ternyata angan-angan palsu semua.

Dan pada akhirnya, ketika semua alasan keruh sudah meluruh, ketika mimpi-mimpi palsu tak mampu lagi menipu, jika ia masih diijinkan untuk terus mencintai, ia pun tidak akan tahu apa-apa lagi karena hatinya sudah kosong. Ia sudah tidak punya alasan apapun lagi dalam mencintai, kecuali satu: karena Yang Maha.